Will I never have peace!

Being a huge celebrity like Count Olaf means you can’t just walk to the corner store for a Watermelon Kiwi Surprise. You’re constantly in the spotlight: paparazzi taking pictures, orphans whispering and trying to run away, police asking questions. I have to wear a disguise almost every time I go out. I mean, how am I possibly going to get my hands on an enormous fortune if everybody keeps seeing it’s me and foiling my plans?!