Where’s Your Letter?!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
As the Greatest Actor the World Has Ever Known, I deserve a LOT of fan mail. Have you written me a letter today? If you haven’t, you’ll regret it! (I’m not kidding.) I expect compliments, praise, professions of undying love, and bank account information. And, because I’d really be nothing without my fans – except extremely handsome, famous, talented, smart, and intelligent – I’ll personally write back right away! In fact, here’s my response now!
Dear Adoring Fan,
I’m so flattered! Really, I’m very moved. I’m wet like a dewdrop. You have no idea how good it is to hear from someone who truly appreciates my work and won’t try to stand in my way. And thanks for the money! Write me again tomorrow – or else!
Of course you can have my autograph!
