Press Junk-it!

I hereby command all Loyal Fans of Count Olaf to boycott publicity for my movie. No watching commercials! Avoid Entertainment Tonight! Scorn late night television! And no eating Papa John’s Pizza! Since you’ve asked, I’ll tell you why. Publicity for the film has been stolen out from underneath me by an orphan conspiracy. I wasn’t even asked to do publicity for the film! Everyone else is going on Oprah. But was I invited to appear! The very star of the very movie? The mastermind behind it all? No, Madame! Not a phone call. Not a murmur. It’s as if I don’t even exist. Well, when this movie opens on December 17th, you’ll see who’s really behind the schemes on the greatest movie ever made!