Fan-ning the Flames
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
As I write this, sigh, I am opening more fan mail. Here’s one from a brat in Italy asking if I’ll adopt him. (Answer: No.) And another from a constable inquiring about a missed court date. (Answer: You are an idiot.) And this one’s from a – WAIT A MINUTE. Listen to this: “Dear Count Olaf, You’ll never get your hands on the Baudelaire fortune! Ha!” I BEG YOUR PARDON. I’m already rich, you cakesniffing lettersicko! I’m famous! I don’t need any piddly Baudelaire fortune! Although, now that you mention it, I have felt a certain lack of purpose in my life recently. Maybe…oh my, is it true? Have I forgotten my calling? I deserve that enormous fortune!
